The Weight of the World is Right Between Your Shoulders
by Crystal Volcheck
Summary: Dean can't sleep, becoming more aware of the weight between his shoulders. The weight he has felt since his dad first told him to keep Sam safe, the weight that he is so sure will break his back one day. Lucky for Dean, there's an angel watching over him.


**This is my first Supernatural fic and I'm still getting feel for the characters. I'm also just now into season four although I have caught a few episodes from later seasons. So this can take place anytime after season 4, there isn't a set timeline other than that.**

**Disclaimer: I have no claim to the rights of Supernatural, I'm just having a short play-date with the characters.**

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Even before Dean Winchester was told that the yellow-eyed demon had bled into Sam's mouth and found out that Sam befriended a demon he had felt the weight of the world between his shoulders. He felt that weight before he watched Sam die, before he made a deal at the crossroads, and even before he had gone to Sam for helping finding their dad. There were a lot of other things that came after he had first felt that weight because if he was honest with himself for just one minute, he had felt the weight of the world between his shoulders since his dear Dad had first told him to protect Sammy.

Now as he laid wide awake in a cheap motel room that hadn't been redecorated since the late 70s while Sam slept like the dead in the other bed he realized that while it had felt like the weight of the world, it really wasn't back then, despite that fact that Sammy was his world when they were kids. It was his job to keep his little brother safe and he did everything he could to make certain of that. Because as long as Sam was safe, John was happy and as long as John was happy, the weight wasn't so bad.

Then they got older and Sam began to ask questions and with each question the world seemed to grow colder, Dean had to answer those questions and watch the innocence fade from Sam's eyes. There are no monsters under your bed because Dad already checked there. It wasn't so easy to keep Sam safe anymore and the weight he felt seemed to double.

Although there were some things he could do to keep Sam safe and worry free, like smile and hide bruises left behind from the few times Sam decided to slip away unnoticed. He could hide away the pain he felt when it became clear the Dean was John's soldier, but Sam was John's son. Then Sam left for a normal life and Dean thought his back would break.

If he had known then what he knew now that weight would have been more like a feather compared to today. Because he had failed to protect Sam and in truth there was no way he could have protected Sam from the beginning because Destiny is a bitch and he was a clingy selfish bastard. He couldn't live without Sam, but expected Sam to live without him because no matter what Dean would never believe he was worth saving.

Suddenly Dean's chest felt tight and his eyes stung, he had gone too far down memory lane. There was a reason he tried to keep everything blocked out, because it was too much. The minute he began to think about everything that had happened, everything that he had done the weight began to become too much. As if the literal weight of the world was on his shoulders and in a way it was and it didn't make sense because what had Dean ever done to deserve that much responsibility?

It didn't just weigh down his shoulders it weighed down his heart, he couldn't allow himself to feel, and that was even if he still could because something was happening for all that weight being on him for so long.

"You would have never been given this role if God didn't believe that you could handle it or perhaps, I should say that even if you don't believe in God, he believes in you." Dean didn't jump at the sudden dip on the bed or the familiar gravelly voice filling the silence of the motel room.

"Cas?"

"I sensed your distress."

"Well I don't want to talk about it because I'm not some damsel in distress." The words didn't come out as certain as Dean had intended and he swore he heard Cas let out a low sigh of frustration.

"I didn't come to talk about it; I just found your lack of faith and self-confidence irritating." That was a lie if Dean had ever heard one, but he didn't push it choosing instead to deflect with a joke.

"I thought my lack of faith and confidence was why you loved me." A moment of silence passed and Dean wondered if Cas was going to leave with his feathers in a kerfuffle which might have been what Dean wanted since the more time he spent with Cas the more he felt something strange stirring in his stomach.

"They're on the list." Dean swallowed thickly not entirely sure if Cas was joking or not, the angel had yet to show a sense of humor yet and even if there was that tiny part of Dean's mind hoping that was the case. A much bigger part of his mind was saying that Cas finally learned how to tell a joke. "Now if your emotional crisis is over I'll take my leave." Just as Cas went to stand Dean realized that the weight he had been feeling was gone and the sudden shift of weight on the bed brought it back.

"Wait!" Dean took an uneven breath, not willing to turn over and actually face the angel because what he was feeling now was strange and confusing. "Do you think you could stay with me? Just tonight so I can get some sleep." For a moment Dean was certain that Cas would start asking questions and he'd end up telling the angel to leave and it would be another night of no sleep. Instead the bed shifted again and Cas settled down in the empty space next to him.

"Don't get used to this; I serve Heaven, not you." Dean didn't respond this body relaxing and mind slipping away now that the weight he had been feeling earlier had faded.

When he woke a few hours later the only weight he felt was on his shoulder, specifically were the mark Cas had left on him was. He risked a glance turning is head just so and was surprised to see Cas with his eyes closed laying on his side in a way that if they were any closer would be considered spooning with one hand resting on Dean's shoulder.

"I hope you slept well." Dean didn't realize that Cas had removed his hand and was now standing next to the bed straightening out his trench coat until the angel had spoken. He had been lost in thinking that waking up with the weight of Cas next to him and a hand on his shoulder would be a weight he wouldn't mind having to endure again.

"I slept great actually." By the time he got his mouth working Cas had left and he heard Sam beginning to stir in the other bed.

"Dude, who are you talking to?"

"Don't worry about it." Maybe it wasn't the weight of all the world between shoulders as he had thought; it was just all the weight of all his world resting between his shoulders.


End file.
